ONE YEAR.

On this day last year, I began a journey that will continue throughout the extent of my lifetime. During college, after nearly a decade of suffering from manic depression, severe anxiety, and OCD,
turning to medication had seemed like the best option for leading, what doctors deemed as, a “normal” life. However, over 3 years or so, I became very exhausted by the constant changing and adjusting of different medications, which eventually led to abusing prescriptions and developing serious addictions to several psychopharmacological drugs.

There was a brief moment in time when I started to think I’d most likely be stuck in the cycle forever. I felt held captive by psychiatrists and pharmacists, always waiting for another months’ worth of pills that I’d finish in 2 weeks. It was a never ending, gut-wrenching feeling of being on edge, and never satisfied or comfortable.

This checkpoint is such a big deal for me. Even though I continue to work on removing marijuana and alcohol from my system entirely, I could not be happier with the improvements I’ve made over the last year across the board. Nothing can diminish the amount of success and pride I feel in this milestone. I’ve finally found a job i love, I’m working on creative projects that inspire me, and carving out a future that will be brighter without substance abuse. I’ve made so much progress by focusing on my physical and mental health and pursuing a healthy lifestyle has rapidly changed my mind and my body forever. 

There are so many different faces and phases of sobriety. This one year chip will be my prized possession from here moving forward, because it signifies a life free of toxicity- and toxicity can come in many forms. 

Currently, I feel better than ever. I’m clear headed, making rational decisions, and finally understanding what people mean when they say things like “timing is everything.” I had wished for this feeling for years, but I know now that everything truly does happen for a reason and I made it here exactly when I was supposed to. 

“Sobriety” has become almost like a second pronoun. Like, ”I identify as male…. and sober!” Sometimes it can be hard to use that word, as it can feel very permanent; but sobriety is a winding path and the journey is different for everyone. It may be filled with setbacks and struggles, but that doesn’t invalidate the road to recovery. Everyday won’t be pretty but it is SO worth it in the long run, you have no idea.

Thank you to my loving family and my extremely supportive boyfriend. I couldn’t have done it without them.